In limbo somewhere between my past and my future.
you could call it “The Now”, but its not.
Its in the grey murky edges of The Now.
I find myself unable to bare my soul, make a decision, set myself free.
Preferring to play with it, wait it out, see where it takes me.
Only yesterday I was in The Now
The Now all perfect, shiny and ripe with opportunity.
Now all I am is lost, confused.
So this morning wasn’t a great one.
Get onto the highway, and all of a sudden traffic comes to a grinding halt. A 4 lane highway is merging into one. There is something strewn all across the highway, blowing in the wind. Its 6.20am, about 2 degrees outside and still dark. As we inch through all the cars, in the right hand lane is an overturned bakkie. The “something strewn” is fibreglass fragments across the road, this was once (probably only moments before) the back roof of the bakkie.
There are injured passengers sitting in the island, between the highway, looking into the distance, mourning the loss of the 5 or 6 bodies laying across the fast lane of the highway. I know they are dead. If they weren’t, people would be attending to their bodies already. I feel sick to my stomach. I try tear my eyes away from the scene before me, but its already locked into my vision and my mind.
Just this morning, these people kissed their wives/kids/mothers/fathers etc goodbye and went off to work. Those family members will be getting calls later on to tell them that these people will not be coming home, ever again.
I’m sad, I just want to go home, crawl under the covers and stay there for the day. I cannot unsee what I saw this morning.