Monthly Archives: September 2014

panic

Rain patters softly on the window. The feeling of peace in the air. The rise and fall of chests in perfect rhythm.
The deepest of sleep. The quiet nostril pur, inhaling and exhaling. The eyelids moving, a sign of dreams occurring. The sound of the clock tick tocking down the hallway. A small snore from a room further down the passage.

A sudden crash. Shattered glass. We sit upright in bed and look at each other. Eyes wide and fearful. We hold our breath, keep deadly still, await any further sounds. The bedroom door comes flying open. My heart stops at the thought of intruders. My roommate comes skidding in, screaming, its just me, its just me. My boyfriend halfway up on the bed to defend us, and sits back down at the recognition of her voice. “I think someone broke the window” she says. We all stare at each other, thousands of thoughts whirring through our minds at this point. “Wait here” my boyfriend whispers, as he quietly sneaks down the passage to suss out the situation.

My roommate and I keep staring at each other, fearful of what’s about to happen next. Slowly lights start going on in the house, and my boyfriend walks back in, giggling. And explains to us that my recipe books had been knocked down by a gust of wind, knocking all cups propping them up, over onto the floor.

My roommate and I let out a sigh of relief, Hearts still pounding out of our chests. We walk out of the room and down the passage to find bits of coffee cups and handles scattered all over the floor.

Clean up operation at 4am.
Ps – this is a true story – It happened this morning…

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Blur

It started with getting up too quickly.

That dizzy feeling. My body slowly and only slightly rocking back and forth. a slight tingling through my arms and legs. The light headedness. my skull feeling tiny pin pricks through each and every hair follicle.  Blurry eyesight slowly turns to the old black and grey T.V static, then  darkness shrouds my vision. and suddenly all sound is gone. Just darkness. How long does it last? Seconds? Minutes? Can other people see it?

My vision returns slowly, blackness around the edges, slowly fading out back to normal. first a long ringing in my ears, then sound slowly fades back in. The feeling in my arms and legs comes back. dizziness wears off, balance returns.

The black outs are getting more frequent, closer together. Losing time.
Where do I go when this happens? Why am I having black outs? My muscles ache, My eyes can barely stay open. So drained, so tired.

unravelling

For days you hear the birds sing, you watch the sun set and rise

you see colours within everything, glimmers of light where there where none

birds chirping, children laughing

the smell of new grass and sweet flowers.

now there’s nothing but grey skies, the smell of rain and dirt as it falls to the ground.

Morbid thoughts and actions,  tears in every situation.

Is this all there is? just a monotony of ups and downs?